Individuality in a Relationship….

“I define love thus: The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” ― M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth.
This is the first meaningful and practical definition of love I came across more than 20 years back and I have tried hard to live by it.
This has also given me clarity in my thinking while deciding during the conflicts about my own individual preferences/choices as well as personality, with respect to the preferences/choices and personality of WE and US.
A person’s “Individuality” should be in harmony with the “togetherness” of his/her relationships. And it takes different shapes depending on relationship – the Individuality is very different in Parent-Child relationship, Individuality is very different in Friendship relationship, Individuality is very different in Teacher-Student relationship, Individuality is very different in Office-Colleague relationship, Individuality is very different in a love relationship and Individuality is very different in a Marriage relationship.
The question is – do you understand these relationships? Do you know how you manage your “Individuality” in these contexts? Are you matured enough to see “Interdependence” is more divine than “Independence”.
Human beings have evolved far more because we have the understanding of this interdependence. We have the emotional strength for “being together” against all odds. If we had focussed on being “individualistic”, we wouldn’t have been here as a race.
“The Will to extend…” cannot be demanded. One can give his/her will to other person voluntarily to provide complete support to nourish other person’s growth but unfortunately cannot demand for the same in tern from the other person.  In a true relationship, there are on negotiations.
In a relationship, both people extending complete support to each other OR not extending their will to support each other are just the same. One is completely harmonious and other is not, but both parties are in sync. The painful relationships are those where one person completely extends his/her will to support the other person and carries on daily life in a truly “interdependence” mode. But the second person confines self-will to cover just his/her individual interests in a ‘independence’ mode.
Those people, who live in “Interdependence” mode in a “independent” relationship, are completely miserable.
And remember – nobody is judging anybody. Everybody is right from where they stand and how they see things. That’s where what Dr. Scott Peck says is more meaningful. “The will to extend one’s self to nurture …”.

Indian Smart City Efforts…..

Narayana Murthy had given an interview on Smart cities effort in India and criticized the lack of visible progress, and compated Mysuru Infosys Campus as a model –

Below is my comments on the whole thing –

There is a Tyagaraja keertana which goes like “ఎందరో మహనుబావులు, అందరికి వందనములు”.. (there are so many great people, to all, my wishes/greetings).

This is the natural truth you learn as you move from an arrogant youth/adult into a matured and learned person. Knowing ‘I am great’ is being confident but thinking ‘I am the only one who is great’ is arrogance.

And there are many different ways of communicating the problems that plague the society, but expressing them in a condescending manner take the focus away from the problem and do injustice to all the value a person like Murthy has created in a country like India.

Building a new campus in Mysore with modern facilities on an open land is very different, and very easy than converting an existing habited city into a smart city. People have been living in Varanasi for 7,000+ years with narrow lanes and open drains. There is no way anybody going to demolish the houses, expand the roads/lanes, etc unless we want to behave like China.

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Infosys Campus in Mysuru (above) and Varanasi (below).

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A solution should be provided in context of space, time, society and culture.

I really miss 90’s Murthy. He was truly inspirational for all of us.

Moment of Happiness!

“When should one feel happy?

when you put the corn in the oven or when they start popping or when u get them in a bowl or actually when you put the first of them in your mouth?

Or, is it when someone somewhere sowed the corn seed many days before?”


This is what I had written 5 years back on my wall, and this was on my mind yesterday. And I realized that this question made a lot more sense now in my life.

Both happiness or sadness are result of series of connected events. We live a cumulative life, and not a discrete or disconnected life.

One who understands this connectedness of life – understands it better and creates a harmonious ecosystem for oneself, beloved ones and everybody.

Without this, one will just be a rebel with no existential or contributory value.

Technology in Indian Government and What Entreprises can learn from it?

For those who are following what’s happening in India for the last 15+ months in terms of Government using Social Technology tools to simply collapse bureaucracy and escalation layers to connect to common people is amazing.

Its not just the Prime Minister who keeps tweeting about his meetings, discussions and selfies with global leaders, but also it is spreading to others as well. His use of technology to reach out people, seek their opinion about the Govt policies, addressing issues and complaints – particularly in the areas of pension payments for widows have brought a fresh air to the governance in India where apathy is plenty everywhere.

One particular incident a couple of months back comes to my mind. A women traveller in a train was being harassed by a rude co-passenger and she tweeted about it tagging the Railway Minister tweeter account. Within seconds apparently she got a reply asking for train/seat details and the next station. In the next 15 minutes when the train reached the station, Police came into the compartment, sorted out the issues and moved the male passenger to a different section. Things like this are unheard of and its amazing how technology, and more so the political leaders are adopting it to provide basic services and security to the students.

Examples of Indians stuck in foreign land with stolen passports and in countries during troubled times, reaching out to the External Minister and she providing specific instructions and complete solution to their problems are many. I think no other country is providing such speedy resolutions to their citizens in foreign land so much alacrity.

This is not just the ruling party of BJP. Yesterday I was reading about how the young Deputy CM of Bihar is responding to the common citizen’s requests. Apparently a girl tagged him on a complaint that her scholarship money was not being released by the relevant State Govt agency for many days and how she was tired of following up. After she posted that, she got her scholarship amount released in just two days. Not just that, it was reported that the Deputy CM reviewed all the pending Scholarship payments across the State and specifically instructed his officers to clear everything in the next 2 weeks or so.

Apart form this, Prime Minister, CMs, Ministers having real time Video Conferences with multiple stakeholders to review a specific situation and taking collaborative decision is common in Indian administration.

All the credit should go to Chandrababu Naidu for this technology revolution in Government sector in India. It was almost 15-16 years back he took the initiate for e-Governance across Andra Pradesh and brought in gadgets, video conference, Internet and hi-tech bus.

In spite of all the problems, Indian is at cutting edge technology when it comes to Consumers and Services. As a Country we have always been a mix of opposites co-existing. I still remember the a couple of photos we used in all our PPTs while I was at Infosys – (i) a villager on a bullock cart opposite Indian National Parliament and talking on the cell phone, and (ii) Security forces carrying electronic voting machines on Elephants to remote villages that did not have basic road and electricity services.

Having your Prime Minister, Railway Minister, HRD Minister, Foreign Minister, Deputy CM accessible almost real time on the other side of Twitter or Facebook – is an awesome Citizen Empowerment, Engagement and Service. The impact to society is real and fast. As I mentioned, for a Country like India its manyfold – it creates a positive emotion and purpose in  people’s minds, gives them confidence that some local gunda or a government clerk cannot hold him/her for ransome – which has been the story for decades.

Now the question is what are the lessons Entreprises can get out of this? Are they even listening? Collaboration is not just posting pictures of picnics or pet animals. If the Collaboration is not Context sensitive, like it is in Government, then it is of no use. Can the Leadership team engage with Employees using technology the way the Indian Government is doing? And in doing so build a completely Engaged eco-system of Happy Employees?

Modi’s Independence Day Speech


A good balanced blog  by Ashok Malik about yesterday’s speech by PM and what to expect in the coming years….

I agree it lacked the punch, but I think it definitely defied the routineness of playing to the gallery…

Beyond all of it – its so refreshing to see the PM standing in the open air (and not behind the bullet proof glass container) and using all his expressions (particularly open palms, spread out hands, modulation of eyebrows – compared to the memory we had of previous PM who use to hold papers in his hand and read hardly lifting his head)….and the best part is he walking into the group of kids after the speech and getting completely mobbed by them literally….. That gives me, as a citizen, confidence and hope.Modi15-Aug-2015 With Children

These are all signs of a very good Leader. I don’t think intellectuals from the current generation remember anybody like that in Indian political scene. And I think they don’t even understand the basic geninue leadership skills given their working atmosphere. People who have worked in teams on projects recognise them instantly.

I use to argue with my mom as a boy why she used to always vote for Congress and she use to say that nobody can take care of India and her People better than Indira Gandhi. You may disagree with Indira’s policies and politics, but you can never take away her leadership skills and ability to create hope/trust in the minds of common people.

That’s what Modi has been able to achieve. Sincere hope is that he has his heart and head in the right place and carries out the nation building process forward.